The lovely Ferns wrote an interesting post about her sexual fantasies.
I read her post and realized: sexual fantasies are really a very personal thing. (Go figure, little Tina, lol).
My fantasies are different from hers.
I also do fantasize about being able to do what I want with the man, (hey, lol, I have to at least a bit live up to my claim of being a dominant woman), but in order for me to really enjoy the scenario, I need a gift from the man. The gift of his submission.
I do want to do things to him, sexual things, painful things, humiliating things and many other things that he does neither enjoy nor like. But at the same time I want him to stand up tall and tell me: "You, Tina, YOU can do all this to me because I love you and adore you and trust you completely". I want him to think and also tell me : "I hate what I have to endure, but I am willing to do it for you."
I had an argument with a pretty vanilla man about some real life issues once. I wanted him to do something and he wanted to use a different approach. He completely disregarded my (honestly, I am not bragging here) actually very good advice.
I had told him that I like him and that I am into spankings and domestic discipline, but he was just totally unexperienced in that regard.
Later he asked me:
"I was wondering if you had spanked me in your fantasy again"
And I replied by saying: "no, that does not turn me on at all at the moment. My thinking goes along the line of: You dont like it and so the fantasy loses its power for me in regard to you."
He: "I never said that, I liked the thought of you using me in your fantasy...I liked it a lot"
Me: "Fantasy is one thing, but in real life, literally every time I am trying to „boss you around“ I can almost feel your „no“. And the spanking, it is something so intimate and personal and deep and meaningful for me, I don´t do it with somebody who does not like me bossing him around. And I don´t even do it in my fantasy."
He started to explain to me why he had said "no" to me in regards to the vanilla issue and went on saying "if this disturbs your ability to fantasise about us being together then I find that very disturbing and upsetting".
But hey, my fantasies are my fantasies.
In my mind, being dominant is always linked a bit with giving. I dominate a guy because I can see his potential. For me, in my fantasies, the interesting factor is not intercourse in any way, sort or form, but the element of dominance and submission and power exchange.