The club of those who have been chucked.
He never said it with so many words, but I think his feelings for me just are not longer as strong as they used to be. My feelings for him however are still the same.
I wanted to fly to him soon, but he does not think it is a good idea for me to come and see him. He says the reason for his decision is linked with the fact that he has to deal with some major challenges right now, and that is true. No defensive lie. I know exactly what he is talking about and these things are not related to me. But on the other hand, if he really would want to see me...
Ironically, that blog entry is my 100th post. So basically, in the last 99 posts I went all the way as far as a relationship goes. I wanted to fall in love. I searched a man. I found him. I had the time of my life with him. And now I am suffering from heartsickness.
In hindsight however, I would do everything exactly the same.
Tina:
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that you are feeling badly about your situation with your guy, but I admire that you live without regrets. That is a great personality trait to have.
Though I don't know the specifics of the situation your man faces, I truly believe that if someone loves you and understands the love you wish to give to him, then he ought to embrace your desire to travel to be with him. He should not deny what you wish to give. I did that one time with B about a year ago - chose to remain by myself rather than be with her when she wanted to comfort me, and I realized immediately how much that hurt her and how wrong it was of me to deny her what she wished to offer me. It hasn't happened since, and it never will again.
It sounds like your man has a lot of things to work out..
Hang in there. I have enjoyed pretty much all 100 posts. Your journey has been insightful, and I think you for sharing of yourself on your blog.
ServingB
Weit in nebelgrauer Ferne
ReplyDeleteLiegt mir das vergangne Glück,
Nur an einem schönen Sterne
Weilt mit Liebe noch der Blick.
Aber wie des Sternes Pracht
Ist es nur ein Schein der Nacht.
Deckte dir der lange Schlummer,
Dir der Tod die Augen zu,
Dich besäße doch mein Kummer,
Meinem Herzen lebtest du.
Aber ach! du lebst im Licht,
Meiner Liebe lebst du nicht.
Kann der Liebe süß Verlangen,
Emma, kann's vergänglich sein?
Was dahin ist und vergangen,
Emma, kann's die Liebe sein?
Ihrer Flamme Himmelsglut,
Stirbt sie wie ein irdisch Gut?
Friedrich von Schiller
Tina,
ReplyDeleteI have folllowed most all your 100 posts and have never felt compelled to comment, but I am now.
As a Man living alone, I find it hard to believe that the gentleman you were involved with does not want your compassion and comfort in whatever is troubling him. I would offer that it is a good insight though, that he may never be someone who can fully open himself to a mature relationship. I am sorry you have to go through the heartache though, as a means to learning this. Any man would be lucky to have such an intelligent and caring woman. Good luck and as trite as it may sound I do believe in the old adage 'It is better to have loved and lost'
Hi Tina,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that things appear to not be working out with the man. I agree with Serving B completely: I admire your spirit.
Michael_Michael
Dear Tina, I'm so sorry to hear this. Having had several long distance relationships myself (including Europe-USA) ones, I know how hard it is to make them work and when and if they don't the distance makes it just as hard to find closure or clarity.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure there is much I don't so I can't comment further, but hope you feel able to use us/me as support.
God bless,
Tim (scally)
@SB: My latest post is inspired by your words.
ReplyDelete@Rene: Nice poem. I liked it. Thanks for sharing.
@Anonymous: I agree, it is better to have loved and lost. I truely believe that from the bottom of my heart. Please keep reading my blog and thanks for commenting.
@Michael: Thank you for your nice words. I appreciate all emotional support I can get these days.
@Tim: Good from hear to you. Long distance relationships are tricky indeed.