Saturday, February 19, 2011

"my husband hates it"


Every so often one can read in femdom blogs the phrase "my husband hates it!"
And in a dd context I LOVE to read these statements.

Rene wrote:
"Any random domme in one of those blogs will state over and over again that her husband sooo hates this or that, that he feels sooo humiliated doing this or that, that he makes sooo much resistence ... but nevertheless, SHE, the uber-domme doesn't give a damn about it - she will urge him, force him and in the end always get her will, regardless whether he agrees or not."
I do not quite agree with Rene here.
Me, personally: I love to read Ms. Marie`s blog. And this post of mine here is not supposed to be a commentary to her blog solely. I am only using her blog as a good example of what I am talking about. (ahhhh, my English is not getting better..., sorry to all native speakers!)

There are a couple of things that I find really attractive in "the my husband hates it" statement:

"my": The woman uses the possessive pronoun. There is no doubt that she thinks there is a bond between the two of them. She does not distance herself from her partner. My mother for instance, when she is speaking about her husband these days, she uses the words: "the man with whom I happen to be married for the last 30 years..."

"husband": meaning the man has made a public commitment. He is willing to show the world that the lady is actually his lady. This is important to me. I could never live in a relationship where the man is not willing to commit himself to me. I could never be a secret mistress. Or better: I would not want to be one and I have no intention of ever becoming one. I do not care so much about the actual marriage. Being a lawyer, I know exactly that a piece of paper can not safe a partnership...., but I need to have a commitment.

"hates it": the woman obviously knows what her man likes and what he does not like. There are enough women out there who have no clue about what her partner needs, craves, loves or hates.

Most of the time I can feel that the women would not actually hurt the man.This is especially true in Ms. Maries case. Even though I have never spoken with her and not yet contacted her, my gut feeling tells me that there is no need to worry for the husband ;-)

When the foundation of safe, sane and consensual seems to be missing, I usually stop reading the blog right away. However, this does not happen too often. And again, this is not the case in Ms. Maries case.

To me, it is a big turn on to read stories where the man is "forced" to do things, even though he does not want to do them, or hates doing them.

I come from a background where the men always got what they wanted. I am not used to men doing what (we) women want. I have no problems serving my man. In real life I am no bitch.

But the beauty for me with the "my husband hates it" stories is:
These men, like servingB or MsMaries husband, would not do these things for all women. Far from it. (Or at least that is what I assume/hope, lol). They only submit to their individual wifes.The vanilla world has no idea how far they are actually submitting. So in essence, they are only doing it for their wifes and themselves.

So the question is: Are they doing it for themselves or for their wifes?

As we all know here in our little community, d/s does have an attraction to many men. There are many aspects that are generally considered to be just hot. For instance: a man going down on a woman. And that is only an example I am using for the sake of the argument.

But see, the point is: Me, personally I find no pleasure in having a man going down on me. So if I would accept a man submitting to me in such a way, it would actually be hot for him, but boring /not interesting for me. Basically the whole concept of femdom would be counterminded. If I (would ) let a man go down on me, I would do it in order to make him happy, not me. It would be another example of "me giving".

But in femdom we are talking about "women receiving". And more than any sexual deeds I am craving for signs that my partner actually wants to please me.

If a man is e.g. doing  snow angels in the nude ( I just love that idea, sorry, I can not help myself...) he does not do it in order to get his own pleasure in the first place. The pleasure might come from the knowledge that he is actually submitting to his woman and from the knowledge that he is pleasing his wife, but for him, while doing it, I think there is not much pleasure involved.

However for the woman/wife, him doing such things just because she told him so, is a HUGE token of love. A sign that she is much more to him than any other woman on this earth. A sign that he wants to please her. A sign that he wants to show her, how much she means to him.

And to me, the more the man "hates it" the bigger gets his gift to his wife when he is actually doing it.

I like to see men trying to plead their way out of it, trying to negotiate a way out, only to hear the woman say: No, I will not change my plans, you will do as I tell you to do.

THAT is hot in my opinion. And the fact that the woman cares about him and would not actually hurt/harm him goes without saying!


2 comments:

  1. Dear Tina,

    another great post. And it's exactly one of those post, why I like your blog ... it's a post containing ideas and thoughts you'll hardly find in many other blogs.

    My ability to use English as a vehicle to communicate my thoughts seem to be much weaker than I thought: not only did I fail to understand your joke, I also offended MsMarie although I didn't intent so ... and finally it seems that I wasn't able to make my point clear in my yesterday's comment.

    It's about you obviously thinking that your thoughts conveyed in this wonderful post are somehow contrary to mine - well, in fact they are not, I'm completely in line with you here.

    And because I don't want to be accused once more for blaming others, I will refrain from drawing comparisons at all today. I'm just speaking about your blog now ... just about yours:

    You state that it means much to you to speak about "your man (husband)" - and I'm completely in line with your reasons for it. In using these words you imply the closeness and the bonding between the two of you. You show respect towards this man, it's clear that you don't disrespect or even disdain him. He belongs to you like you belongs to him.

    You speak about how much it means to you, that he also will do things he "hates", that he'll endure pain or whatever in order to please you. And you not only don't hide the fact that you love him for it even admire him, but you openly state that you see his surrendering as a precious gift, as a token of love and affection, that he makes you feel precious to him as well in submitting to your wishes, even if he doesn't like to do them - or *especially*, when he doesn't likt it.

    I think I completely get your point here - and it is fully in line with my own thoughts. Being a (somewhat) submissive man myself, also my biggest enjoyment is to see Tamara be happy about what I do for her. Most of the things I do for her, I don't do because I like them to do, but because *she* likes it to see me doing them. Until now I didn't have been doing a snow angel for her, but if she ever would wish so ...

    So, let me finally say that all these great things you mentioned in your post are completely shared by me. It's exactly that you speak about your feelings towards your man in such a manner here, what makes your blog enjoyable to read for me.

    Those feelings, this mutual appreciation of the partners, their love and sincerity are clearly sensible, are openly conveyed in just very few blogs: in your blog, in ServinB's blog, ... That's why I like them.

    rené

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  2. I am a husband and of course I hate it. When I get spanked it is supposed to feel like punishment; that's what no-nonsense spankings are for.

    I can think of lots of things for which I ought to have been spanked and I am overjoyed finally to have someone to whom I can bring the things I did that were naughty and get what I deserved or them all along.

    But she gives a good hard spanking and when she is spanking me I can think of nothing else but what is happening to my bottom and inwardly pray for it to be over soon. But I take it as long as she thinks it ought to last, and when she is done I am a very spanked and subdued boy.

    So while I really do hate it while it's going on, I love dearly the fact that I am getting it without fail when I need it (and sometimes when I don't but she wants to do it anyway because it gets her aroused, and hence as foreplay for sex to follow. And I must confess that sometimes it is extremely arousing for to get spanked when I know I DIDN'T deserve it.) After all, she understands what it's like to need a good spanking herself -- and knows that I will never fail to oblige her in that, and do it properly. The great joy is that the right partner makes the world of "as if" possible, and in that world lie our comfort, our healing, and our strength.

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