it´s much more than sex

Here are the latest developements. Nothing too spectacular, but still, I am content with myself and my behavior. 

I decided right from the start to stick to the reality here in my blog. And the reality is: There is not much "real life" sex going on in my life in these days. However, maybe surprisingly for some of you, I am not too sad about that situation. It is not perfect, but then, it is not as bad as one might think.

Blogging has impacted my life very much. Never before in my life did I receive such an enormous amount of support and positive feedback in such a short time. That has helped me to be much more self confident. Its an absolute new feeling for me, to learn that people actually do what I tell them to do. :-) Since I do not talk about the men who write me, I need to take my younger brother as an example again. And btw. he is a nice guy and I really love him, even though I might not paint a too friendly picture of him!

My brother is a master of refusing requests. Any requests from me or any other female family member. My stepdad, his father, does not request anything from him, so I can not even say if it is gender related or not... It does not matter what I want him to do, the moment I ask him I am already dead sure that he is going to say no. And that is really something that brought me to tears many times. Because his flat refusal usually means that either I need to prepare myself for a big fight with him - which I will most likely not win and will end with him storming out of the house- or I just do the work myself. 

While my brother is always fending, I am quite the opposite: wide open... I tend to always say yes if someone, and even my brother, asks me to do something. Usually, in the past, it has been me doing all the things and favors for my family, my clients and the folks around me. I got my reassurance in life by being there for them. Now, however, I perceive that I do not need to resort to always pleasing others in order to get approval and compliments.

Somewhere along  the road since starting my blogging career, I had the chance of  getting involved in some internet domination stuff. And that is exactly what I needed. It gave me the opportunity to explore, in a playful way, that it is not going to kill me (or the man...) if I actually act out my dominant feelings. I do know that I can be very dominant in various situations, however I did seldom actively choose to live it out.  In the past, most of the time when I was reflecting about how to react in a certain situation, I went for the de-escalating way, always trying to calm the other person down, being understanding, smoothing things out and resolving disputes amicably. Lately however, I did dare and address problems as feisty as never before :-)

And as far as my brother is concerned: we are not at too good speaking terms right now. I think he just does not know how to deal with my new behavior. A couple of days ago someone of the family had to take care of my elderly grandmother and had to spend the whole sunday driving her to her sister. It was either going to be me or my brother. And, for the first time, I did not waver and told him that I would not do it, since I would be  going to have a restaurant appointment with some friends. I told him so and just left for meeting my friends. And he - big surprise-, he did a marvelous job with the two old ladies. So I had fun, grandma and her sister were taken care of and my brother...well, he was not able to refuse the request this time :-)