I am home from my lawyers conference with new hopes of one day actually finishing my legal thesis, the insight, that men do think differently than women indeed and the feeling, that once I start to live in a real life domestic discipline relationship, (with the possibility of actually touching the man!,) my life will never be the same.
Among german lawyers, everybody is talking about "synergistic effects". Don`t know why, but it is just a vogue term. For me, being a lawyer and opening that blog did bring a lot of theses effects indeed!!! I feel much more confident in the "shark pool" than I ever did before. I am much more aware of what´s going on between my colleagues and between the genders and on a side note, I am getting closer to my personal goal of one day driving a hitherto happily married vanilla couple crazy with my questions about their marriage :-)
I am gonna share a short real life story with you. And even though I usually do not write about private conversations with other people here in my blog, this is a sole exception, because I think it is just a good example for the overall discussion.
One evening a man told me : "I can not think of any situation in my life right now, where I could just let go." He was talking about all the responsibility that comes with his job, his partner and his family. And he mentioned the pressur of always being expected to shoulder that burden alone and with a smile on his face. The most difficult part for him was, that he can not resort to any means of taking care of his own needs. He wants for someone to step up in one area of his life and taking the responsibility out of his hands. Idealiter that would be his girlfriend/wife. However, he does not dare to tell her his cravings and domestic discipline wishes.
So I asked him why he did think that his wife would not be able to deal with the truth. His answer was honest but not at all what I liked to hear...Basically the roles within his relationship are set. His wife is beautiful, the two of them have been together for a long time, sex is ok or even good, and most important, he was not sure if he would be able to accept any punishment from his wife at all. Since I had problems of understanding his point at first, he made a reference to me and my younger brother and asked me, if I would accept any punishment from my younger sibling. I told him that I would not do that. And then he continued by saying that he feels the same way with his wife.
AHHH the longer I think about that remark, the more it drives me crazy. I just do not understand what men find so attractive in having a girlfriend and at the same time not to think of her as an equal partner? I get it that it is nice if a man cares for his wife and trys to keep her out of harm`s way. That is what I want from my man too. But why does this mean that he can not show her his needs too? And if he wants to let go, why would he hesitate to tell her so? On the other hand , if she is really so "weak" and not able to deal with the truth, why would he stay in the relationship?
And why would a man, who is secretly longing for giving up control, stay with a woman who willingly hands over all control to him? My mom is the queen of letting go. No doubt about that. If there´s a guy around who pretends (or actually thinks) to know EVERYTHING, she is the happiest woman on earth . I remember her boyfriend telling me explicitely: "I do understand everything of Stephen W. Hawkings writings just by glancing over his books".....I mean , what a stupid thing to say...But she just wants to believe that there is a man who can bring her the heaven on earth. And I know for sure that all the manipulation of the world could not make her to step up and take control over her boyfriend/husband.
My mom told me the other night: "I do not want to see weakness in a man. I can´t stand a man not being in control". Then she continued by saying: "thats´s probably why I raised the two of you (my younger sister and me) to be independent and strong". And thats a strange argument on her side, because my brother, who is 27 is still treated like a little prince, you know, handsome, blond hair, actor, did not earn his own money yet...And if she really wanted to have strong men around her, she should have probably focused on making him strong and not the women of the family...
Ahh I don`t understand that... Any comments?