Saturday, October 30, 2010

"you are my goddess"?

I often read in femdom blogs that men refer to their woman as "goddess". To me, being called goddess does have no appeal at all. And this is not (only) linked to my christian believes, according to which there is no "goddess" anyway. For me it is important that I am having a REAL relationship. Not a projection of hot fantasies or a pipe dream. I want to be seen by my partner as the woman I am. I want to be acknowledged for who I am. And I am no goddess. I have my faults and flawns. No doubt about that.

I am not allmighty. I wish I would be... and sometimes I might even think I am just that. But then reality kicks in very hard and makes me realise that my power is limited indeed. I do not always have a solution to everything. I am trying as hard as I can to get along in life. And sometimes I am as hopeless as one can possible be. The idea of having a partner who would think of me as a "goddess" is not helpful at all in such situations.

There are enough situations in my life in which I feel vulnerable, little and needy. Just not "goddess" -like at all. In these situations I want to be able to show the important people in my life, especially my partner, my true despair.

And, according to my dictionary, there are all kinds of goddesses in the English language. Goddess of luck, goddess of war, mother goddess... you name it, but as far as I can tell there is just no goddess of despair...

13 comments:

  1. The whole god or goddess thing kind of rubs me the wrong way too. Of course we don’t dress up in French maid outfits and we don’t do the black leather or rubber either, although many do. It’s just not my sort of thing and may be better for those who are involved in, and can appreciate aspects of role-play.

    Our particular dynamic is probably best described as more of a traditional household with aspects of mutual DD. There are other things too, after all who can’t be involved in kink play and have other curiosities. However, those are our basics as we often try to keep it as real and natural as possible.

    Not that I wish to be judgmental in any fashion for those that choose various role play scenarios, but it's just not our thing.

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  2. Dear Tina,

    With all due respect, people have to be careful about being judgemental based on literal interpretations of things they may not have a full understanding of.

    I am in a very real relationship with a wonderful and very real woman. For the sake of creating a certain level of discretion and anonymity on the web and at public BDSM events, we go by the names of Goddess Selena and Endymion, inspired by the beautiful story in Greek mythology involving those two characters (changing out Selene for Selena). We loved the tenderness, the possessiveness, and the circumstances of their love story, which we felt had certain elements that reminded us vaguely of some our circumstances. The details are not so important.

    What is important is that these are simply monikers, names for the benefit of others and ourselves, to not jeopardize relationships with family or positions with companies that have high media profiles.

    Does the use of "Mistress" in a D/s context mean a woman cheating with a married man? Is a "Lady" really part of nobility? No, of course not. These are just characters that may or may not be part of a very real relationship. There isn't a title that reflects a better or a "more real" kind of relationship.

    These names are inspired by a story we like and identify with, and serve their purpose in terms of anonymity. Our D/s relationsal dynamics are not wildly different from those of other relationships. They are just ours. There is no altar, no temple, and I love Selena for her very human strengths and weaknesses, which she would say have little to do with divinity.

    Yes, there are elements of worship and servitude, but hardly different in their implementation than what you may find in many other F/m D/s relations.

    I understand that even under these circumstances, "Goddess" may not be everyone's cup of tea. So be it. We intentionally eliminated terms such as "Mistress", "Ma'am", and "Lady" for reasons of our own. The abstraction of "Goddess" and the link to the Greek myth appealed to us, and that is what stayed.

    Not meant to be pretentious, not meant to ignore the reality of life, not to diminish the intensity and the struggle of life, and not to create the illusion of a world of fantasy. Just a rose by any other name...

    Dymion
    Owned & collared by Goddess Selena

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  3. @onHerKnee: As soon as I read your post, I realised that some people could have felt offended by MY post.

    Offending people was not my intention at all.

    In fact, it is kind of funny, because usually that happens with my legal briefs and pleadings only. I write them, not thinking that they are too harmfull for the opponent. But then my secretary, who is typing the papers for me, comments on it and says: wow, the opponent will be really angry getting that letter...


    @Dymion: Yeap. Got it. :-)
    Hey, its just so that the focus of my thoughts has been more on being despaired and helpless.That is how I am feeling these days....

    FOR ME, in my little world, being called goddess would put even more pressure on me.

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  4. Hi Tina,

    No offense was taken by your post. I just found your take on the matter interesting because, however much we follow the same basic path, our journeys are all very, very different.

    When our relationship was developing we were looking for a way of focussing my mind more on my partner so me having to call her Mistress when we are alone in the house, was a way to help that focus.

    We talked over several monikers and she preferred Mistress so we've stuck with it. And she refers to me as 'g' - a shortened version of garykane which invented
    as my on-line moniker.

    Like Dymion says, we use them purely to remind ourselves of a certain aspect in our relationship.

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  5. Dear Tina,

    No offense was taken. I can certainly understand the pressure that could be implied with the choice of such a term. And this is the kind of thing that goes into the choice of names.

    Despite the placing-on-a-pedestal thing going on in femdom relationships, it remains that the reality of it is that both individuals are vulnerable human being trying to express their sexuality and their needs within the context of a larger journey.

    BTW, I forgot to mention that I enjoy very much your excellently written blog. The strengths and vulnerabilities you display on your journey and your search are quite touching on many levels, and I have no doubt that between your professional drive and your rich introspection, you will overcome the despair that often overtakes you.

    Best of luck in all your endeavours.

    Dymion

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  6. Hello Tina,

    I`m a long-time reader of your blog, while i often would like to comment on posts i simply feel like i don`t have enough "field experience" to contribute in a helpful way.
    I also tend to write incredibly long posts..lol : )

    However, this one was interesting as i`ve spent a significant amount of time trying to understand the dynamics,spiritual/practical benefits and workings of FLR/Femdom relationships.

    I sense in your writing some hesitation/guilt to embrace concepts which seems to contradict your christian faith - this is understandable.

    I will not go into a religious debate, as i believe all humans are free to pursue their own spiritial path and none are condemned for doing so.
    In my opinion all paths are valid, just different.

    However, there ARE earlier judeo-christian writings predating the bible which talks about the "female face of god" or similar concepts.
    Personally, i no longer follow any organized religion (used to be christian) and it is now my general belief that God is not a physical external being but rather an all-encompassing creative force embodying both female and male characteristics.
    It was actually to a large degree my femdom interests which forced me to question my religion more and more.
    This doesen`t mean that i totally reject everything the bible or other religious books says, as i still believe these books contains a lot of wisdom and spiritual truth - i just started to view spiritual things in a much more open way.

    Having said that, try to look at it this way: Assuming the man`s feelings for the woman is real and not faked being referred to as a goddess by a man professing his love and devotion should in most cases help the woman feeling appreciated and empowered.

    However, if the woman has the belief that she is not "worthy" of being called "Goddess" for some reason she would probably feel offended instead.

    Being called goddess does not mean that the woman most always prance around like an imperious, untouchable "Goddess" unable to have a real relationship with a mere "mortal man", in mythology goddesses were rather sensual and emotional beings who could display a wide variety of moods and actions.

    In my opinion, a submissive man wanting to refer to his woman as a goddess and "worshipping" her by kneeling/kissing her feet, etc. is simply expressing a heartfelt need and desire to submit and show his commitment to the woman in a deeper way than if he was just willing to take spankings.

    This does not mean he is a weakling who will not ble able to support the woman when she is dealing with her own problems, just that he wishes to show a deeper/expanded form of affection.

    I recently read a posting on a Femdom/FLR blog (don`t remember which) where the man stated a newfound and sudden desire to kneel for the woman, up until that point he had only submitted by taking spankings ("standard" DD relationship)

    I`ve read many similar stories on other blogs, etc. the common theme seems to be that the man wants to take his submission deeper as time goes - quite fascinating really.

    You say you are no goddess, well - Jesus said "Ye are gods" to his followers (it`s in the bible).
    If they (ordinary humans) are referred to as "Gods" by Jesus then why should you not allow yourself to think of yourself as a goddess? : )
    And yes, i do not think there is a goddess of despair but there are goddesses of love, love can help counter and cast out negative emotions like fear and despair.

    It`s sad to hear you are not feeling well, after a life of struggling with all sorts of self-conceived guilt issues I can relate well to your feeling of despair.

    Hope you start to feel better soon.

    Now, you see why i don`t comment much - i keep on rambling forever..
    Btw, hope this comment doesen`t come across as offensive or anti-religious, that`s not my intention

    - BRN

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  7. I humbly beg to differ.

    Durer did art depicting the "Goddess Melancholia".

    She's also mentioned in Keats' "Ode to Melancholy", among myriad other places.

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  8. melancholy, in my limited understanding of the english language seems to be kind of warm, round,dark,brown,sad...like (in my way of thinking) sitting in a chapell and crying softly.

    whereas what I am feeling these days, and what I wanted to say with "despair" is loud, hectic, shrill, too much...like being a marine and being yelled at in hell week.

    Ahh, I think I am losing my mind.

    BUT:
    Have been working ALL DAY on the thesis!!!!!!!
    not sure if this makes sense to you

    Will comment on the other comments later.

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  9. Oh yes, there are probably goddesses for all occasions and moods.

    Acncient societies loved to create gods and goddesses for just about everything :)

    on the subject of goddess worship i feel compelled to add something peculiar:

    Hindus following the Shaktism tradition actually have some rituals where they worship women as manifestations of the goddess Shakti (creator of the universe and top-goddess of Hindusim)

    In their eyes all women are manifestations of Shakti, now wouldn`t that be nice? :)

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  10. I kinda realized some of my writings on "goddess worship" may seem over-enthusiastic and biased towards the interests of the submissive man.

    While i still think no dominant woman need to feel guilty for being called Goddess and enjoying it, there is a time and place for everything.

    But if the woman is feeling needy/vulnerable and not in the mood for such worshipful attention the man should obviously lay off the "worship" for a little while and find more practical ways to support her.

    This isn`t really much different from any other situation in which a dominant woman simply wants to be comforted by her man instead of wanting to dominate him.

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  11. BJ, lol, calm down :-) ypur comments were absolutely ok!
    My problem these days is not linked to my man at all. It is in fact linked to missing money only...

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  12. hehe, good to hear that : )

    Just to clarify, i didn`t think your problem was linked to your man - only that there was some troubling issue.
    My comments were mainly intended to reflect my viewpoint on the whole "goddess" thing.

    Anyway, i`m sure you`ll figure out a solution to this money issue soon!

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  13. Dear Tina,

    I'm married to a greek. I don't refer to her as a goddess but rather as my Queen and I am her Knight. In the world of Dominance and Submission our marriage is rather vanilla. I worship and adore my "Mistress" and the relationship is all about making my "Queen" feel comfortable, loved, adored, and worshipped.

    A list is kept on any infraction that would cause my Queen any extra work during the week. The list is read to me at the end of the week and discussed just before I assume my position over the chair. Discipline is administered with a wooden paddle.

    I have read and I understand your feelings about not being a goddess. Our relationship is not based on spanking but rather mutual respect.

    I do enjoy your blog Tina. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

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