Sunday, November 7, 2010


I am not a fan of cuckolding. However, if you wanna do it in your relationship or if you are doing it and having fun: good for you. Fine with me. I am not the one to tell you how to lead your life. I am not (yet...) a televangelist :-)

I am just sharing my feelings here. In MY (!) opinion cuckolding is the opposite of what I truly want. In my understanding and in my way of thinking, it is not a cool thing.

First of all, sex is not what I am most interested at. Me, personally, I know that I can "survive" a very long time with masturbating only. Might be different for you, ok, but I just know I can. There are other things I am searching and hoping for and craving. I am interested in honest talks, in sound feelings, in deep emotions, in sharing my life with my partner, in supporting each other, in being unguarded around my man. I want a feeling of security, the feeling of belonging to a man.

Secondly: I understand the reasoning of men who want to submit to their woman in all aspects of life. And cuckolding seems to be the most significant, the ultimate way of showing submission. But the question that comes to my mind is: Where is the appeal for the woman? "Submission" is linked to the wants and needs of the dominant partner. But why would she want to have an extra lover besides the man/husband/boyfriend she truly loves and cares for?

That question gets even more important in a domestic discipline relationship...In a dd relationship the man strives to make the woman satisfied and happy anyway. And the woman gets turned on by him doing just that. So why should she hand over the sexual part of "making her happy" to another man but not the husband?

I have had many talks with women. And we talk about everything....And NOT ONCE has a woman told me that she is unsatisfied with the "general" performance of her man in bed. Of course, there is good sex and bad sex. I know that, sure. And it has happened that women have complained to me about the fact that the sex with the boyfriend is not good because he is not paying attention to her needs. And in very general terms: if the sex is bad, if there is no sex at all or if it does not click in the bedroom, in that case the two people should really consider, if they should stay together at all...

As far as I can tell, from a female point of view, bad sex is in most cases linked to a relationship problem. I doubt that there are many cases out there where the man is really physically not able to "perform" and make her sexually happy, and therefore the woman feels the need to get satisfaction from a "bull". And even that idea seems pretty theoretical. Because in my experience, real loving women are willing to stick to their men in all kind of difficult situations..

Assuming that both partners do get along, love and care for each other, why would SHE want to have an added lover? There are so many ways for a man to make a woman happy and satisfied, and the size of the penis is not a relevant factor in that regard at all. Far from it.

From my point of view, there are other ways for men to submit to their woman. Things women just like, but doing these things might feel like submitting from a mens point of view :-)

With me, these things might be for instance:
-going to church with me
-not feeling bothered by the fact that I will end many conversations due to the fact that my grandma needs me
-sharing your feelings with me
-watching below average TV shows with me
-accepting that I might overwhelm you sometimes with my ideas

I think you get what I am talking about.... This is not "hot stuff" per se,  but it is a sure way of making me hot. And once a man does all that I want to have a good sexual relationship with him as well. Thats a given!

So now from my point of view:

Why would I want to prevent my man from having sex with me, only to meet another man and do it with him? Think about it: If I have a man who is willing to submit to me, who does all the hot and not so hot things for me to make me happy. A man I developed a strong emotional link to. Why should I not allow him to have sex with me only to have it with a man who is FAR from having the same high emotional status? As a woman, it is not difficult to find a man to have sex with him. The difficult thing is to find a man who is the right one for a special  emotional relationship. So assuming that the emotional relationship is good and the "lust" is there, why should one add another man?

Does not make sense to me.

Just my two cents...


  1. I think this is a potentially very hazardous practice.
    This activity "could" cause severe emotional turmoil and distress for both the man and woman, and has no doubt been instrumental in breaking up quite a few femdom relationships.

    However, if people wants to do it and they both enjoy it i don`t really mind.
    But they should be aware of the risks, the "hot" idea of cuckolding could turn into a bad situation very quickly.

    Now, i will explain my viewpoint on the "why`s".

    Basically, quite a few submissive men are extremely turned on by being humiliated by a woman.
    Nothing is more humiliating for the man than being cuckolded. It seems like it is most often the man who iniates this practice by asking the woman to do it.
    Once that happens it might be almost impossible to go back to "normal", especially if the power exchange dynamic is firmly in place and the man has become very submissive.

    I`ve read several life accounts which pretty much tells exactly the same story. (i.e. the man thinks it`s a hot idea, gets turned on by it, but after a while he is heartbroken..)

    Personally, this is one of the things i would never do, but i`m not doubting that some couples gets mutual satisfaction out of doing this.

  2. The unique form of DD that we practice (Mutual DD) like all forms of DD does have an element of humiliation. For example, the whole concept of willingly submitting to a spanking is a humbling act, ergo humiliation.

    Some aspects of a spanking are more humiliating than others. Having one's pants pulled down, being put in a corner, being in the diaper position or even liked I recently posted... being given an enema are just a few of the most obvious aspects of humiliation that are incorporated in typical DD activities.

    However, for me the most important part of DD is the aftercare. Where the spanking and other things break down walls and barriers and offer the spanker the opportunity to bring things to the surface that must be dealt with or even just talked about are all accomplished with the aid of not just the painful spanking but also with humiliation.

    Once the spanking is over one of the most important jobs of the spanker from my perspective is to rebuild the spankee’s ego, personality and cared-for position in the relationship. The tenderness of aftercare, the forgiveness, the cleaning of the slate so to speak are all items that bring back and reconstruct the spankee.

    I suppose one of the major objections that I have and why I would never consider cuckolding is because there would never be that rebuilding of aftercare. Just a continued humiliation and no rebuilding of the submissive’s ego.

  3. Seems like my next post will be on "humiliation"...

  4. Tina:

    Good question(s). I understand why some folks (men and women) have cuckold fantasies but I love making love to my partner and enjoy that she is very satisfied with my performance and attention to her. Handling one man is enough for her. I am a lot of work! lol She has no interest in having sex with another man or trying to integrate that into our relationship. Thank heavens. Here's to monogamy! (and DD and FLR!). :)

  5. Here`s to monogamy:-) yeah!
    Btw. my mom had a boyfriend once. He was married and she was married. (They both still are...)

    All "partners" knew about everything. It could have worked out for my mom to be "just" the mistress. The man liked the idea of having a wife and a mistress...However, in the end, the man broke down (he actually got a heart attack...!). He was overwhelmed with having two women...Now he is back with his wife only and my mom is still married to my stepdad...

  6. Well yeah... :)
    two women will easily give one man a heart attack... What was he thinking?

  7. @onHerKnee:

    see, that is why my shrink "loves" me. I do know so many crazy stories like the one I just shared, I just mention them as a "btw" :-)
    What was he thinking? Well, he had lost his mind... He was about 60 years old at the time. Married for almost 40 years, had never cheated on his wife before...and then he met my mom, lol.And she had never cheated on her husband either. In 25 years she had always been faithful...

  8. I think - but am not sure - that cuckholding is more a sexual fantasy or fetish for most people. Cathy is more sexual than me, and would make love all the time if I was up for it (I'm probably a bit more like you), but I don't think that is what would cause cuckholding.

    BTW, I liked your list of things that make you feel a man shows submission with...

    1-going to church with me
    2-not feeling bothered by the fact that I will end many conversations due to the fact that my grandma needs me
    3-sharing your feelings with me
    4-watching below average TV shows with me
    5-accepting that I might overwhelm you sometimes with my ideas

    I think all of them are fine and especially like the last one.
    The first one is odd for me though as I know that to get to sit down in a church pew, it would have to be on a bottom that is hard to sit on anywhere. Yet I would still call this a good one as there is a part of me that 'wants' to have to sit on a church pew on a bottom that is hard to sit on. I have no idea why, but the idea of a wife that spanks me very hard in order to get me to go to church is somehow extra attractive - extra comforting. Odd, I know.