update

Thank you very much to all of you who wrote me. It meant a lot to me. I got a message from a concerned reader, who basically asked me, if I would be nuts in working on so many different projects at the same time...And I can understand his concern for sure. It is just a lot I am dealing with. I have been at a funeral yesterday. After the funeral my mom was thinking about her own funeral in the (I hope...) far future. She was speaking about her 3 kids, and about what she values each of us most for. And when she spoke about me, she said: "Tina, you have been the pillar of my life. Even as a very young girl, you were always backing me up. You always had my six."

And then we started laughing like crazy. Because we both knew, that in the past, she had used me emotional in ways, you better not use your little daughter. She is still expecting me to be the strong one, to have all the answers, to comfort her, to find a way out of any mess...And the "funny" thing is: when she was telling me all that, I was lying on a couch in the living room, absolutely exhausted and with no power left at all. And I only said: Sure, keep going like that and I will fully break down...

I have still no clue how to solve my problems, but I am trying not to become crazy over it. In the last days I have been going to the gym quite regularly. I m going to be in the US on Thanksgiving, and I am trying  to make the best out of it.

I am not continuing my whining today. I feel comfortable in my body and thats really cool !

I am still thinking about the "humiliation"-aspect in a domestic discipline relationship. In my understanding, there has to be some humiliation in order to make it "real". And I am not talking about a stupid, degrading kind of humiliation.

I do not believe in telling a man things that are intended to make him feel worthless. I am following a different approach. I might be strict on the man, I might "force" him to do things that he really does not want to do, I might punish him in ways that are hard for him to bear. But my underlying message is : I am doing that to you, because you are worth it. Because you are special. You are deserving my time, dedication, love and correction.

I posted the "Schiller-quote" on the right top of my page. I think it captures exactly my way of thinking. Love is the dominant factor in my life. The hardest obstacle for a man to overcome is convincing me, that he is worth my love, my sorrow, my dedication and my time. If he has overcome that hurdle, he is pretty much in safe waters. If I love a man, I am willing to walk through hell and back with him. And believe me, this is not cheap talk on my part.

The hardest judgment I can deliver is: not loving a man and not caring about  him. If I don`t care about a man, I do not care about disciplining him either. And if you don`t get that Schiller quote, you and I might just not be compatible. To me, in order to get my interest, a man has to be very smart. My English might be a tiny bit  ;-)  German colored, but don`t let that lack of proper English mislead you. Brainpower is really important to me. I could never be in a relationship with a man who is not smarter than I am. And believe me, from the e-mails I am getting, it seems as if there are  many above -average  smart men in our little community.

There will not be a destructive punishment from me ever.You will never hear me say things that could really hurt the man. I might bring him to tears, sure. I might tell him to do or not do certain things. There might be situations in which he  thinks that it is just too much, that he can not fulfill my requests, that I am asking for a too difficult thing.

But the truth is, if I decide to hand out a punishment, it is well thought out. I do not have one fixed punishment that I am about to deliver once I think "a" man deserves it. Just the opposite. I have spend much time with coming up with an appropriate punishment for single incidents. There is not just one punishment that fits all submissive men. And finding the right punishment is not always easy.

In my opinion you can phrase it how you want it, but in my way of looking at things, submitting to a woman for a real spanking carries an humiliating element for sure.The man has to bend over or get over her knee, his bottom bare if I have anything to say... , and then he can only wait for the woman to start spanking him.