Tuesday, November 9, 2010

humiliation, part two

Domestic discipline seems to be much more about "humiliation" than I had realized. Don`t get me wrong, of course I still believe that love and respect and trust and all these kind of things should be the most relevant factors in a relationship. I am just tired of writing that down again. I have done that so many times in the past... You should "know" me by now. I am actually a sweet woman. I am not a cruel bitch who gets turned on by other people suffering. However, within a domestic discipline relationship, "humiliation", or the threat of it, seems to be really important too. 

In a way, being in a domestic discipline relationship carries many humiliating aspects per se. In the way I see it, being punished is not really helpful in not feeling humiliated.... 

Is there a mental state in which one can think of punishments and not feeling humiliated? I doubt that. I think the fact alone that you are going to be punished is humiliating.You might tell yourself that the punishment is well deserved, that she is punishing you for your best only...things like that. But the fact remains, that you are going to be dealt with in a way that is not common for grown up men. 

During a punishment you can not rely on the things you might rely on during your "regular life". It does not matter who you are, what you have achieved in life, how powerful you might be... There is no way to talk her out of it, to negotiate, to threat, to buy, to manipulate or whatever it is you are usually doing in order to get what you want. It is not going to happen in a dd scenario. She will decide what is going to happen, how long it will last and how hard it will be. Your only "job" is to do as she tells you and accept whatever she decides. Who told you "submitting" would be fun?

I am talking about punishments and discipline here. This means grounding him, sending him to bed early, no TV, no sports and yes spankings. I read about a man whose girlfriend does not allow him to wear shoes and socks within the house. He has to stay barefoot. He has to ask her for permission to take on his shoes once he wants to or needs to. I like that idea. It´s actually pretty harmless. Won`t kill him. However, that way he will always be remembered that she is in charge. 

Many of you don`t like the idea of being sent to bed early. It sucks? Good! It is supposed to do just that. Makes it even more interesting to me. There is no need for you to like it. I might resort to it anyway. I might tell you that it is time for you to go to bed right away. And in that case you have two options: Do it without much fuss. Or don`t do it , get a spanking that makes you understand that you are supposed to do as I told you, and go to bed right after the spanking with a sore bottom on top of it...

For me, there is no need for a link between punishment and sex. I will make sure that within the realtionship all the needs of my partner are fulfilled as much as possible. But this does not mean punishment and sex should be considered to be the same. With me, they are not.   

The spankings I am talking about are different from others you see on the Internet. They have nothing to do with sex. They have to do with real spankings. Spankings that teach real lessons and make you improve your behavior.

Here is another thought I just had: Generally, I want to give my partner the feeling that he is cared for. That he can rely on me. That he can trust me. And sometimes, especially for men, that message is hard to accept. Being strict and no-nonsense and not wavering in administering punishments might be a means of showing the man that I mean what I am saying.

Talk can only help so much in making a man understand that he is actually cared for. But punishments, in connection with the intense feeling of humiliation are a sure way of reaching his soul. Therefore: a humiliating punishment, followed by a very long aftercare might be just the right thing to make him understand that I will stay by his side...   


  1. Very good post.

    I will only say that the man who submits to you inside a DD relationship should be in good hands : )
    And i mean that in a positive way.

    Just to clarify:
    The somewhat cruel examples of humiliation i came up with on your last post is of course not anything i would think you would ever do, they were intended to illustrate personal borders only.

    There are however men who are turned on by things like this, but i think such cases should raise some warning flags and could be an indication of a self-destructive attitude.
    Don`t get me wrong though i`m not even thinking for a second your man is among these people.

    Perhaps i`ll comment some more on this post later - you raise a couple of interesting points.

  2. Hi Tina,

    I think that you are very wise, and your man very lucky.


  3. Hi Tina,

    As a man it is important that I feel humiliated in a Female-Led relationship. To me this makes the relationship 'real' and 'play'. By submitting to a loving and caring woman I am going against the established order in this patriarch-run world. I am taking the ultimate risk for a man...I am admiting my need to be under the control of a woman. I will submit to her and in this relationship I will have my adult authority and the power bestowed on me by society for just being born male, stripped from me. I will in reality no-longer be an adult or a man. Like a child I will have rules to follow with the understanding that there aill be consequences for breaking a rule. Only a woman who loves and cares for me can humiliate me because she knows me better than anyone else and knows what I need...a structured and loving environment and maternal guidence that carefully re-educates me to be a better person and not the macho male brainwashed to believe I was entitled to be powerful and the HOH simply because I was born male.
    That's why I think men who enter a Female-Led relationship are so fearful of being foundout. It's their greatest fear. Early bedtimes, disciplinary spankings, corner time, and being grounded are all very effective punishments and knowing that is humiliating for a man. The use of sissification and even diapers and pacifiers are all powerful tools for controlling, teaching, and caring for a former adult man.