Monday, November 8, 2010


This post is about my feelings. I do not claim to have all wisdom here. I am just trying to explain my point of view!

It´s quite difficult for me to write about humiliation... Seems to trigger a lot of feelings in me. The cuckolding post was a piece of cake to write compared to the "humiliation" one. As I said, cuckolding does nothing for me. But "humiliation" is a trigger word indeed.

I do not want to be humiliated myself. I have no cravings at all to be the center of any humiliation... 

Over the last months I understood, that "my man"  is the only man in the world who I would ever submit to a spanking for. (Only theoretically speaking...).I have never been spanked myself. And in theory, I think it is not so much the "pain factor" that is preventing me from wanting to experience it, but much more the "humiliation aspect".  The spanking, as far as me getting one is concerned, and I am saying that in a very topping from the bottom kind of way, should not be administered in a humiliating way at all. Being humiliated, I think I would break down indeed. I am afraid that´s the truth...

Even just thinking of my man doing anything that could humiliate me gives me watery eyes right away. And not in a good way, believe me ...I am very lucky that it is just not his modus operandi. I am very thankful for that. There has never been a situation ever when he has treated me in a way that is linked to the word "humiliation" in any regard at all. Never.

When I was at his place, there happened one incident, when I really messed up! I won`t go too much  into details here, but I was surfing the Internet and I did not pay attention to a pet. I still do not know how that could happen... Anyway, the pet went missing and my man was as concerned as one can possibly be. And rightfully so! If he had ever had a reason for being really angry with me, it was on that day.

However, he did nothing to make me feel bad. He stayed as calm as possible, did not reproach me at all.He asked me a couple of necessary questions in order to understand what has happened, and then he just went out in the dark and tried to find  the pet and find a solution to the problems I had caused. He solved all problems- hey, he is a great guy...-and even afterwards he did not tell me how negligent I have been. Did I mention that I am really thankful that he acted that calm... :-)

If he had done anything to humiliate me, I would have cried right away and probably overreacted in a not good way. Like, I don`t know, just feeling unworthy and terrible and devastated... If he, (for the sake of the argument...), would have told me to go to bed right away, or if he had told me to go write some lines, or if he had given me a spanking , it would not have done me any good at all. Just the opposite. It would have made things much worse.

You have to understand,  in my mind, it does not matter if  the person who would humiliate me loves me or not. The reasons why he would be doing it would not matter either. In a way, if it would be done by somebody who is dear to my heart, it would be even harder emotionally. Again: harder not in a good way...

I think, humiliation is only  not a destructive thing, if the person administering it is in fact the "weaker" one. And with me and "my man", even though I am the dominant one, he is in fact the stronger one. He is somebody  I can look up to.  I am admiring him for so many things.I have asked him for his advice many times and he has always given good advice. He is older, more experienced, smarter and even taller than I am.

And he is giving me the wonderful gift of submitting to me. I think he does not really understand how much he is actually giving me...

Having said all that, I still believe in "humiliating" a man myself. Does not sound fair, I know...

I have done quite a few things to a man that can be considered humiliating indeed. I have sent a man to a corner, made a man write lines for me, I have used orgasm denial in order to make an impression and I have given a man a spanking.Just to name a few...And to tell you the truth, I think I will not hesitate to do all these things again in the future.

I said right from the start, right from opening my blog, that I am searching a strong man. And many strong men have written to me. And for them, it seems as if "being humiliated in a domestic discipline setting" is not something that will be as harmful as it is to me. I dont know, it´s all difficult...

Here is what works for me in order to find the humiliation of a man attractive.And again: I am only talking about humiliating a man in a dd setting. ...

It has to be a strong man, a powerful man.
He needs to have messed up in a big way.
He needs to know that he is deserving a punishment indeed.
The humiliation needs to teach him a valuable lesson.
The humiliating act needs to be something that is very hard for him to stomach.
She needs to be interested in helping him, rather than harming him
There has to be an understanding between her and him that things will be good again later.
She needs to be willing to comfort him afterwards for as long as he needs her to do that.

It is all still very rough in my mind... will think about it and maybe write about it again.


  1. I used to try to figure out the 'humiliation' factor in the DD equation without much success. Then I read something from one of the other blogs that made sense (to me, at least). And that is when I am spanked by my Lady, for example, I don't view it as much as an act of humiliation as much as I view it as an erotic act of submission. Likewise, when she spanks me, she views it as an erotic act of her dominance.

  2. Tina,
    Regarding these things you mention, orgasm denial, spanking, cornertime..i do not consider them humiliation in the literal sense of the word.
    Too much of a psychlogical turn-on connected to these activities i guess.

    I don`t think a lot of submissive men would have a problem with these activities in general.
    Early bedtime would however suck, and could be considered rather humiliating..

    But people are different.. for example, some men have a real homophobia and may dread being taken with a strap-on above all
    else because in their mind that makes them almost gay.
    To me - that is ridiculous thinking, but such sexual taboos can reigen firmly in the minds of even submissive men.
    I remember a story from some guy who was punished like that by his mistress, he was totally confused about his sexual identity for a while afterwards.

    I think, unless you feel certain that the man won`t see the humiliating act as an attack on his self-integrity or sexual
    identity you should not do it.

    I`ll use myself as an example, i would consider being used as an ashtray, being spat upon or any activity carrying an obvious "you`re worthless" stamp, as well as those that could be considered a health risk as personal attacks, not domination or punishment.

    The kind of humiliation you`re thinking about should also not be confused with "humiliation play" which is usually intended to turn the man on, and should typically be followed up by aftercare.

    In general, i think many things which "vanilla people" would view as humilating will instead turn on submissive men.

    Just my 2 cents,

  3. I very much agree with your comments. Particulary that the one doing the humiliating, needs to be the weaker one. Like so many aspects of effective and healthy discipline, it needs to be 'wanted' (i.e. accepted) by the person getting it.