Saturday, April 24, 2010

Am I supposed to understand you, men?

A friend mailed me the other day:
"I had a bitch of a girl-friend who kept me on my toes most of the time and I would have done anything to please her (anything reasonable.)"

I´ve been thinking about that statement for quite a while. 
To be honest, I just don´t get how that general concept works. How can it be, that being a bitch and keeping him on his toes, would get a man to do everything for his lady? It´s just that for me, the idea of being a bitch carries negative connotations. Maybe it is indeed because of my good catholic background. As far as I can judge my own behaviour from the past, (and that sure is a difficult task...,) there were not many moments were I did resort to being bitchy. I do not actually recall one single incident where I made a conscious decision of being a bitch. (Whatever that might mean).

Don´t get me wrong. I did not absent myself from the field of domestic discipline. The idea alone of "keeping him on his toes" makes me smile. I want to see him putting effort in pleasing me. And to know that he is going to do something (you name it: chores, preparing to receive a spanking, getting the car gased, having to wait before being allowed to orgasm, joining me to the gym for a workout...), even if he really does not want to, just because I tell him, is A-W-E-S-O-M-E. I do want him to accept whatever I mete out. But IMO this can only work if the man can be sure that I am not going to misuse my power, that I am going to respect his limits and take his fears, issues, trials and tribulations into consideration

I prefer being in a relationship with a self-confident, manly and somewhat self -contained man who honors and respects me for being the (hopefully) decent person I am. I do not want a separation between real-life and relationship-life. My dad once told me many years ago: "Tina, I do realise that girl-friend I am having does not have a good character. She does not do me any good. However she´s just too great in bed". Such a "relationship" is definitely something I do not want to have.

For me it is important that my partner is loving me for my behaviour inside and outside our relationship.

One last conciliatory thought for today: The person who sent me the above mentioned statement ended his mail by saying:
"I think to be a dominant woman is a position that should be undertaken by someone who is happy, confident and capable. Above all there should be good communication and an adult attitude to solving problems."
Seems to me there`s just not too big a difference between what men and women are trying to find...


  1. Hello Tina:
    I am a recent reader of your blog. After reading this article I realize and from knowledge understand your feelings. First and foremost a man must respect and honor you for the person you are. You must do the same for him. Secondly when you get beyond point one you then get set the standards and go from that point to wherever you want. The boy you wrote about just wanted a fantasy in real life. (I wrote in your previous blog from experience)

  2. Tina: How nice to get a blogger from Germany who writes so well in English. Americans are terrible at foreign language so our strategy is get the rest of the world to learn English.

    Do you have a German version of the blog or just blog in English?

    Anyway, I just found you from your comment on PK's site. Your posts are interesting, especially getting things froma femdom point of view.

    Hope you will keep sharing and don't mind if you'd give us some insight into what it's like living in Germany.


  3. Rachel, thanks for your input.
    I am always happy to get female support.

    FD, I can assure you, it takes me endlessly to write in english. However there is no german blog written by me. The domestic discipline concept just does not work for me in any other language but english. Can`t explain why.
    And as far as the insight in "what is it like living in Germany" goes: Sure,I can do that. I am gonna think about a nice, interesting german story.