Tuesday, April 6, 2010

my general approach to being a disciplinarian

I`ve been asked what type of structure I would employ in a relationship, such as rules I would insist upon and the punishments that might be expected for failure to follow them.

That question is not as easy to answer for me as you probably might think. I do not have a list on my fridge, stating in detail what I want in a domestic discipline relationship and what I do not want. There is no comprehensive body of legislation. It is more of a gut feeling.

I do however have made up my mind as far as some concrete acts are concerned. The following examples are however just that: examples. So do not consider that an exhaustive enumeration.

As a matter of fact I do not want my partner to steal.
No problem, you might think. But that "no stealing-rule" does actually include fluffy hotel bath robes and towel. I am familiar enough with the hotel industry to know, that  a lot of people just take it for granted, to keep the bath robes even after check out. For me, this is not acceptable. To be honest, I don`t like people committing crimes in general. I do know, there are women out there who fall for the "bad boy typ of man", but be assured, I am not one of them. I expect my partner to be decent and to deal fairly with others.

Never be unreachable.
In times of mobile phones, iphones and blackberrys that rule should not be difficult to follow. I want to share my life with my partner and therefore tell him if something important has happened.There might be situations where I just want to be able to hear his voice. Sometimes I just need to inform him about changes of plans.

No lying.
I already wrote about that rule at length in an earlier post.

Show respectful behaviour towards me and my family.
A couple of days ago I met an old friend. Our friendship goes way back to kindergarten. That is probably why I tolerate quite a lot of things from him. However on that day he has been really impertinent. We met by chance at a classical concert and I was accompagnied by my mother and my grandmother. He saw us and immediately said to me : "Wow, your mother looks really hot!!!" What a stupid thing to say. I mean, ok, my mother looked hot, but she is my mother after all. And I do not want to talk about my mother with him. It is not his prerogative, btw being in the presence of his own wife, to comment on the "hotness" of my mother. Furtheremore it was in the presence of my elderly grandmother... Regrettably I was not able to give him an attitude adjustment on that day. But next time I am going to see him this incident is definitely going to be on the table again.

Never mess with my diet coke.
I am afraid I need to elaborate on that rule quite a bit, needn`t I ? First of all, I do not like coffee. However, I am addicted to diet coke. Coca Cola, Coke Zero, Pepsi, Pepsi Max, you name it... As long as it does not have any sugar but a lot of  caffeine in it !!!
I am mentioning this, because just today I am stuck without any of it. My "dear" younger brother did drink my last Pepsi yesterday and did not care to keep supplies coming. Now I am supposed to survive the whole day in my office without that beverage and therefore I am pretty pissed.

Don`t expect me to be your "mama".
If I`d wanted a child I`d have one. Even if I am probably going to lose quite a few readers by saying that. I told you before: I am not into role play. I am trying to find a partner for an adult domestic discipline relationship, not a child. In fact, if I hand out punishments to my partner, it is basically because he is an adult and did not behave accordingly. Only the fact that he is a grown up man with responsibilities and obligations in the "outside world" makes it interesting for me to take him down a peg or two within our relationship. As far as my experience goes, punishments that are sometimes considered as punishments for children are just suitable for that purpose.

This leads me to my next point: Punishments.

The other day someone commented about how big a waste of time an early bed time would be. In this context I can assure you that being send to bed early is just one possible means of punishing my partner. There are many other ways of making sure the man understands I am meaning business. I know, you are all curious what these punishments might be. Be patient. I am going to write about it in my next post. lol.


  1. The earlier "Pacta sunt servand" is pretty concise. Might not say it all, but it comes close. It could be modified from "Agreements must be kept." to "Agreements will be enforced!"

    As for the Diet Coke, sound like you were negligent in maintaining your stock. A thirsty family member with a little too much initiative shouldn't be able to wipe you out. That's like driving with the gas gauge needle resting right on top of the E. ;-)

  2. Just wanted to say, to give you support, that as submissive man, I would have no conflict with any of those - including the top one about stealing as that bugs me too. I hate the 'always after somethng mentality'.

    (Actually I don't really think of myself as submissive, except sexually. I simply see the wisdom in the woman taking charge.)