At the beginning, when I opened that blog, I felt powerless and insensible because of some things that were going on in my life. And I got to admit I never would have thought that this internet -blog and the people answering me and exchanging e-mails with me would change so much in my life.
I told you, I did receive a lot of attention from submissive men. When men contact me through my e-mail account, I usually do ask them to write a bit about themselves, so that I can have a better idea of who is actually approaching me. Most men did as I told them and I felt like the queen of the world, because awesome men were actually trying to convince me, that they would be the right partner for me.
And I got to admit it was a strange feeling to suddenly have so much power. Power over real and strong men, over men who shared their intimate feelings, wishes and hopes with me. And to make it even better, these men wanted me to use my power. Wanted me to master them.
And I realised it is really difficult not to fall into the trappings of power. I do not want to hurt any of the men who wrote me. Even though there is probably no way to avoid hurt feelings sometimes....Therefore I did post in a very early stage about my new hanky-panky with an interesting man.
Obviously the expectations from many men towards me and my ability to understand exactly what they want are very high. Naturally it is not easy for me "to deliver".
I remember one man who mailed me. He did send me just 2 or 3 friendly sentences. I answered him that I would like to get to know him better and wanted him to write me a nice and meaningful e-mail so that I could understand who he is and what he wanted. He did however send me again a very short note, just asking something about my sexual preferences. I was not sure if he just wanted to play or what was going on, so I told him basically: "I am not going to answer you before I get the mail I wanted you to write to me. And don`t you dare to complain, because I did not even ask you to write the letter by hand." It was apparently not what the man had wanted to hear from me. I have never heard from him again.
I am mentioning this short episode because the man didn`t actually understand how important it is for me to be "courted". I am not interested in writing solely about jerk-off stuff. I am however curious about understanding the man, his way of thinking, his fears, his interests. And if I think he is juicy, than I have no problem with talking about almost everything. In that case I don`t hesitate to provide him with as much jerk-off information as he wants to. (At least as long as I dont decide to deny him having an orgasm...but that is another story).
I need to be sure that the man approaching me is in fact a strong, independent, self-assured person. And he needs to make a point of being interested in me. As a person. Not only as a potential dominatrix. The man has to convince me, that he is on the one hand strong enough to fight the full risk, that he does not actually need me to survive his own life, but that he is on the other hand willing to submit to me freely.
Just think of courtly love and minnesang!
If you are not familiar with the concept, I just googled it for you:
"The "courtly love" relationship is modelled on the feudal relationship between a knight and his liege lord. The knight serves his courtly lady with the same obedience and loyalty which he owes to his liege lord. She is in complete control of the love relationship, while he owes her obedience and submission. The knight's love for the lady inspires him to do great deeds, in order to be worthy of her love or to win her favor." http://cla.calpoly.edu/~dschwart/engl513/courtly/courtly.htm