Thursday, April 22, 2010

Can I really go for MY fun?

I was wondering lately, if being the woman in a loving domestic discipline relationship reallly gives me the possibility of persuing my pleasure in the first place. I am sure some men are thinking right now: "what is she even asking?".

I am not 100% sure myself where my problem lies or if there is a problem at all. So I`ll try to explain what is keeping my mind busy.

Generally speaking, I do have a very strong inner feeling of being responsible for my partner`s pleasure. I want him to feel good and be happy. Nothing bad with that, I guess.

However I mean it more in a way like Laura Schlessinger would approve of.
Something along the line of: it is the womans duty to serve the husband, if the man is satisfied, chances are much bigger that the life for the woman is better too, yadda, yadda, yadda

You have to know that I come from a background where I`ve been told- well not told as in explicitly stated, but more shown and taught in various subtle ways- that the womans task is to keep the man happy and therefore granting him his wishes. Sexual or not. I realise that such a thinking does not fit to the grandma I described in an earlier post, however I´ve not been raised by my grandma alone :-)

In essence my dilemma is the following: I definitely do have very dominant aspects in my personality. And I want to live them in a relationship. Damn, my whole blog is build around that wish. On the other hand I do not yet dare to act accordingly.

A couple of days ago I chatted for hours with a great man. It went well, we had fun, we talked about this and that, shared so much intimate detailes, laughed a lot. However, after our computer session ended, I found myself wondering If I did really everything to make it a good experience for him. My main concern was, if it had been cool for him.

Or another example: I get a lot of chat requests. I just do not have the time to chat with all the people who want to chat with me. (After all, there is still this little thing called "my law firm"... ). And still, I feel somehow obligated to answer these people. Definitely not a very dominant trait. Or maybe it is exactly because of my dominant personality that I feel always responsible for each and everyone...
I don`t know, I am confused...

Ok, here is the new deal for now:

To all new men out there who are interested in writing me:
Write a comment in the blog.

To my "older" friends:
I write as much as I can. Really.

And to the man who might be Mr.Right:
I am always here! ;-)


  1. Just got this comment from a smart man. I so hope he is right...

    "In a FLR you will be ultimately pleasing your man by allowing the strict bitch in you to express herself, and by enjoying that."

  2. "This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Woe to the shepherds of Israel who only take care of themselves! Should not shepherds take care of the flock?" - Ezekiel 34:2

    OK, that's a little on the heavy handed side. ;-)

    Even though duty is not a very popular concept these days, a sense of duty is a virtue deserving respect. That said, in the eyes of many, feeling responsible for someone else's happiness is going too far. It's pretty awesome to consider how you could have made your own interactions better for everyone concerned. Seriously. And, you too are included in "everyone concerned". Don't your own wishes deserve just as much attention as someone else's? Maybe they deserve even more, considering that you're the only one who can take effective action on their behalf.

    A lot of folks have put out stories about how domestic discipline developed organically in their relationship. Some of them might even be true. A common theme is the more responsible party taking the lead. The basic plot: selfish partner's behavior is damaging to relationship, selfish partner taken to task, responsible partner takes position of authority, responsible partner gets their needs met, formerly selfish partner likes it better this way. She accepts more responsibility by becoming the leader, but first (I'd underline that if I could) she takes on the responsibility of getting her own needs met. And lo and behold, everybody winds up happier.

    I don't see responsibility as being at odds with dominance. If anything a sense of duty makes their authority legitimate, and themselves trustworthy.

  3. I see no contradiction at all in wanting to please your man and make him happy, and at the same time being the one in charge and sending him for the hairbrush when you decide he needs it. Your home will be a happy one if you keep these two ends in mind.

  4. In my ideal relationship both she and I would go to all possible lengths to pleasure each other. I would do anything for her bliss. And I would hope she would explore every inch of my body and soul as well. I like being treated roughly and grabbed and pushed and pulled sometimes, due to my submissive side :-) ... But that's only a small part of everything.

    Pleasure and exploration should be paramount.

    The hairbrush should always be there, in the background, for whenever necessary. One should not preclude the other. A relationship with severe punishments will naturally have the most intense rewards and pleasures!