I was wondering lately, if being the woman in a loving domestic discipline relationship reallly gives me the possibility of persuing my pleasure in the first place. I am sure some men are thinking right now: "what is she even asking?".
I am not 100% sure myself where my problem lies or if there is a problem at all. So I`ll try to explain what is keeping my mind busy.
Generally speaking, I do have a very strong inner feeling of being responsible for my partner`s pleasure. I want him to feel good and be happy. Nothing bad with that, I guess.
However I mean it more in a way like Laura Schlessinger would approve of.
Something along the line of: it is the womans duty to serve the husband, if the man is satisfied, chances are much bigger that the life for the woman is better too, yadda, yadda, yadda
You have to know that I come from a background where I`ve been told- well not told as in explicitly stated, but more shown and taught in various subtle ways- that the womans task is to keep the man happy and therefore granting him his wishes. Sexual or not. I realise that such a thinking does not fit to the grandma I described in an earlier post, however I´ve not been raised by my grandma alone :-)
In essence my dilemma is the following: I definitely do have very dominant aspects in my personality. And I want to live them in a relationship. Damn, my whole blog is build around that wish. On the other hand I do not yet dare to act accordingly.
A couple of days ago I chatted for hours with a great man. It went well, we had fun, we talked about this and that, shared so much intimate detailes, laughed a lot. However, after our computer session ended, I found myself wondering If I did really everything to make it a good experience for him. My main concern was, if it had been cool for him.
Or another example: I get a lot of chat requests. I just do not have the time to chat with all the people who want to chat with me. (After all, there is still this little thing called "my law firm"... ). And still, I feel somehow obligated to answer these people. Definitely not a very dominant trait. Or maybe it is exactly because of my dominant personality that I feel always responsible for each and everyone...
I don`t know, I am confused...
Ok, here is the new deal for now:
To all new men out there who are interested in writing me:
Write a comment in the blog.
To my "older" friends:
I write as much as I can. Really.
And to the man who might be Mr.Right:
I am always here! ;-)